The New Arrival

The arrival of a baby in the family brings many new aspects to the marriage. Many young couples fear this time because they know researchers have come to the conclusion that in general, the arrival of a first child results in a decrease in marital satisfaction for both the wife and the husband.
I believe however, that these warnings about the decrease in marital satisfaction are blown out of proportion.

Often when the chart that shows the drop in marital satisfaction is shown, as shown on the left, it focuses in on just a few percentage points so that it looks like when baby comes, there is a dramatic decrease in marital satisfaction, when in reality, it might only decrease a few percentage points, but in the grand scheme of things, it is not a huge decrease.

This time of course will be more difficult then other times, so a couple should not expect the bliss that they had when they first got married, but that doesn't mean that they can't be any less happy. Their focus will change for a time. This transition to focusing on a child can be difficult because it is a real change that needs to happen within the couple's relationship.

I believe that couples should not fear this time in their marriage, but should look forward to it. One-third of couples experience a marital satisfaction increase after the birth of their first child! If a couple commits to focusing on their relationship even in the midst of having a new child, they certainly can be successful in making this important transition in their lives.

Marriage Preparation!

I was really intrigued by the RAM model that we learned about! This thing is so interesting and I think every young person should know about this before they enter the dating scene. We would definitely have a lot less problems in society if everyone followed this model!
1) We need to KNOW someone before we go any further with the relationship. A of people fly over this aspect and move onto other steps within the RAM model, but knowing is critical! The more you know someone, the less surprises you will have once you are married and living with them for eternity! Knowing someone takes time and seeing that person in a variety of situations.
2) The next step is trusting someone. Once we know someone, we know to what extent we can trust them. We will trust them by sharing with them things we wouldn't tell just anyone and we expect the other person to reciprocate. We should be able to trust someone not to hurt us or intentionally do us harm.
3) The third step is relying on that person. After we know them and we feel we can trust them, we begin to rely on that person. The difference with trusting and relying is more of a practical/emotional difference. To say I trust someone is to put faith in their character whereas relying on someone is trusting in them on a practical level. Like relying on someone to physically be there when you need them to be or relying on them to take care of the bills that week. We need to have trust in their character before we can practically rely on them.
4) Once we feel like we know them, that we trust them, and that we can practically rely on someone, we then can feel comfortable in upping our commitment level to them. We know that we can rely on them to reciprocate the commitment.
5) Finally touch is like icing on the cake. It enhances the relationship beautifully. Touch is the glue to our comittment. It is only after we feel like we know them, that we can trust and rely on them, and that they are as committed as we are, then touch comes in. This will truly make our relationship beautiful!
I believe in this model and I think everyone should try it out!

Yes! Boys & Girls ARE Different!

Men and women are different and there are reasons for that! We should celebrate and respect our differences rather than disrespect them or pretend that they don't even exist.
God created male and female and we each have different roles to play here on Earth.
Men were created by God to be protectors and defenders of the faith. Men are perfectly suited to fulfill this divine mission. Should we really discourage our young boys to act out battles between "good" and "evil"? Is not this their eternal destiny? Were they not divinely programed to fight the ultimate battle between good and evil? They are simply acting out on their innate divine heritage. Men need to be a little more independent and aggressive in order to be a solid foundation for God and their family.
Women have a divine purpose too. They are the glue that holds the family together. They were created by God to do this exact thing. Women are generally sensitive and nurturing. These are the perfect characteristics for raising children and supporting a husband.
We shouldn't deny our innate divine heritages. Men and women are designed to fit together perfectly. Of course differences sometimes cause frustration, but part of becoming perfect is learning how to fit perfectly with your other half.
I know I appreciate the differences my husband and I share. We are definitely different and have very different strengths and weaknesses, however, I feel that together, we can conquer the world.    

Thoughts on Social Class in America

I wonder if it's possible to have a society where social class does not exist. Many people form countries with an aspiration of having no social class. America had this ideal when it separated from England. However, throughout it's history as an independent nation, there has always been classes. Their was the rich Americans and the poor immigrants or the city folk and the backwoods folk. People naturally separate themselves. It is human nature. As Americans, we still like to believe that our country is classless. However, the reality is that there are definitely classes.
A person's class influences their family structure and way of life. In class, a great question was brought up: does social class influence the family's capacity to meet its needs, responsibilities, and purposes? I think this is a fascinating question. This question spurns some other questions. What constitutes a family's needs? What are a family's responsibilities? What is the family's purpose?
I think needs are pretty easy to define. Every person needs food, shelter, and clothing. Most everyone can provide these to their family. It is true that the quality of the food, shelter, and clothing vary among the classes, but most families can provide the basic necessities to their family.
The family's responsibilities can be pretty clear too. A family needs to provide for itself and care for each of its family members. I believe that each class is able to do that.
The last question though, is a little more ambiguous. What is a family's purpose? And does class influence this? I believe this is a question that everyone should ponder and decide for themselves.

Conflict Theory

After discussing the different family theories in class, I was fascinated by each one of them. I really believe that they are valuable tools in understanding family relations.
I was talking with my husband about conflict theory and I mentioned that it is natural to have conflict in a marriage relationship when two people are so close. He had an interesting insight into this. He said that many people dream of the "perfect" relationship where no conflicts exist. This is a dream that will never happen. Often conflict comes from a difference of ideas and backgrounds. He said that if you really want to marry someone who shares the same ideas and background as you, you would have to marry your brother. Even with your brother, just think of how much you fought as kids! And in that case you had very similar views and background and still fought! How natural is a little conflict in family relationships? I think it is quite natural. However, if conflicts are dealt with in a rational way, there is no need for them to cause negativity in a relationship.

Depopulation?

In 1968, Paul Ehrlich published a book called "The Population Bomb." This book was really influential during the 70's. People began to worry about the ever-growing world population. Many worried that there were only so many resources to go around and that one day they would run out. Some even went as far as to say that having children was unethical. The whole "zero-population" phenomenon was born. Ehrlich predicted that mass starvations would ensue within the next decade...

Now 44 years later...

Ehrlich definitely missed the mark on that one. If anything, we have less starvation!

However, the craze that Ehrlich influenced has caused new problems in our current decade. In almost every country in the world, fertility rates have dropped dramatically. So dramatically in fact that our population will begin decreasing  within our lifetime!

This will cause many economic problems in the upcoming future. Imagine a world where there is fewer younger people than older people? Will those younger people be able to support those that are retired? How will the world maintain the same standard of living with fewer workers? Any social type systems will collapse. Countries are worried about this upcoming problem. Many countries in Europe are trying to encourage their citizens to have children by offering money to those who have kids or free child care. None of these measures have worked.

I believe in families! And families include children! This is the way we can fix the world's depopulation problems. It is the most simplest solution. We need to bunk this trend and push forward in a world that does not always encourage the traditional family! True joy comes from the family.