Family Work

Many things have changed over the past few generations.

Things families did in the past:
-Families worked together to support themselves.
-The father was generally at home working side-by-side with his family.
-The family did chores that supported the whole family rather then themselves.
-Work was expected of every family member.
-Much of the work involved hard physical labor.

Things families do now:
-The father and even the mother often leave the home for "work" to support the family.
-Children's chores are often for themselves such as cleaning their room or picking up their toys.
-Modern day conveniences allow for little hard physical labor.

By comparing these two lists it is obvious that the nature of family work has changed drastically over the past few generations. Does the change in the nature of family work affect family relationships? I would say definitely yes. How could it not? The very lifestyle of the family has changed. Studies have shown that when children are only expected to do work for themselves, they grow up more self-centered. If we want to instill the value of selflessness in our children, then we should expect family work and not self focused work. We need to be aware of how much time we are away from the house and our children and make sure that relationship stays strong even if we are not able to be there all the time. We should definitely make an effort to work side-by-side with our children to encourage them to love and learn from the work they do. Working with our children also strengthens our relationship with them. During those mundane tasks, we have the opportunity to talk with our children and spend time with them. This is truly invaluable. I believe that through family work, the family can be greatly strengthened.

How to Prevent Fights from Escalating

This week has been spectacular! I have learned so many valuable things! There is one thing though that I wish to share that has made me see my marriage in a whole different light.
Conflict is inevitable in marriage. Conflict is simply the differing of ideas between two people. It is not necessarily a bad thing, however, if conflict escalates into a hurtful fight, then it can be damaging to the marriage.
Why do we fight with people we love? Why do we say things that we don't really mean or do things that we regret later? Why don't we think rationally when fighting?

The answer lies in one of our instincts. The "fight" or "flight" response. It doesn't differentiate between a physical and emotional danger. The thing that each person fears when a fight is about to begin is the loss of love or companionship from that person. This is a scary feeling. We need companionship and love and we are willing to do anything to keep it, even though how we react doesn't help us keep this love. Our body reacts by wanting to fight or take flight. Both things are not healthy for a relationship. If we realize that this is why fights or flights happen, then we can take some preventative measures to prevent fights from escalating and to prevent our bodies from going into this instinctive mode.
The first thing we need to do when we feel like a fight could occur is to assure each other of our love and devotion. This is the danger that we are innately afraid of. If there is not danger, there is no need to act or think irrationally. We can begin talking about issues by saying, "Honey I love you so much, we need to talk about..." This simple statement can change the whole course of the conversation.
I think everyone should try this technique and discover how it can change their relationship!  

Teaching Children About Sex

Every child's experience about how they learn about sex is different. I believe the many parents of the previous generation had a hard time talking about sex and so they were not prepared to teach their children effectively about sex. Teaching children about sex can be a great opportunity to share some of your beliefs to your children and can create a good bonding experience between the two of you... or it could be a complete disaster. There are a few things to keep in mind when teaching your children about sex:
1) Don't let it be a shocking, awkward, embarrassing, or angry moment! A child will never want to talk to you again about it if he or she feels any of these emotions while talking with you about it.
2) Take advantage of the teaching moments. Children learn best in those small successive opportunities that present themselves throughout the years.
3) Focus both on the physical/medical aspect as well as the spiritual. Each child needs both to get a good picture of what sex really is and what it is meant to be.
4) Be willing to answer your child's questions and express your willingness to talk about any topic with them.

I believe if you follow these simple tips then your experience with your child will be much better off.

The New Arrival

The arrival of a baby in the family brings many new aspects to the marriage. Many young couples fear this time because they know researchers have come to the conclusion that in general, the arrival of a first child results in a decrease in marital satisfaction for both the wife and the husband.
I believe however, that these warnings about the decrease in marital satisfaction are blown out of proportion.

Often when the chart that shows the drop in marital satisfaction is shown, as shown on the left, it focuses in on just a few percentage points so that it looks like when baby comes, there is a dramatic decrease in marital satisfaction, when in reality, it might only decrease a few percentage points, but in the grand scheme of things, it is not a huge decrease.

This time of course will be more difficult then other times, so a couple should not expect the bliss that they had when they first got married, but that doesn't mean that they can't be any less happy. Their focus will change for a time. This transition to focusing on a child can be difficult because it is a real change that needs to happen within the couple's relationship.

I believe that couples should not fear this time in their marriage, but should look forward to it. One-third of couples experience a marital satisfaction increase after the birth of their first child! If a couple commits to focusing on their relationship even in the midst of having a new child, they certainly can be successful in making this important transition in their lives.

Marriage Preparation!

I was really intrigued by the RAM model that we learned about! This thing is so interesting and I think every young person should know about this before they enter the dating scene. We would definitely have a lot less problems in society if everyone followed this model!
1) We need to KNOW someone before we go any further with the relationship. A of people fly over this aspect and move onto other steps within the RAM model, but knowing is critical! The more you know someone, the less surprises you will have once you are married and living with them for eternity! Knowing someone takes time and seeing that person in a variety of situations.
2) The next step is trusting someone. Once we know someone, we know to what extent we can trust them. We will trust them by sharing with them things we wouldn't tell just anyone and we expect the other person to reciprocate. We should be able to trust someone not to hurt us or intentionally do us harm.
3) The third step is relying on that person. After we know them and we feel we can trust them, we begin to rely on that person. The difference with trusting and relying is more of a practical/emotional difference. To say I trust someone is to put faith in their character whereas relying on someone is trusting in them on a practical level. Like relying on someone to physically be there when you need them to be or relying on them to take care of the bills that week. We need to have trust in their character before we can practically rely on them.
4) Once we feel like we know them, that we trust them, and that we can practically rely on someone, we then can feel comfortable in upping our commitment level to them. We know that we can rely on them to reciprocate the commitment.
5) Finally touch is like icing on the cake. It enhances the relationship beautifully. Touch is the glue to our comittment. It is only after we feel like we know them, that we can trust and rely on them, and that they are as committed as we are, then touch comes in. This will truly make our relationship beautiful!
I believe in this model and I think everyone should try it out!

Yes! Boys & Girls ARE Different!

Men and women are different and there are reasons for that! We should celebrate and respect our differences rather than disrespect them or pretend that they don't even exist.
God created male and female and we each have different roles to play here on Earth.
Men were created by God to be protectors and defenders of the faith. Men are perfectly suited to fulfill this divine mission. Should we really discourage our young boys to act out battles between "good" and "evil"? Is not this their eternal destiny? Were they not divinely programed to fight the ultimate battle between good and evil? They are simply acting out on their innate divine heritage. Men need to be a little more independent and aggressive in order to be a solid foundation for God and their family.
Women have a divine purpose too. They are the glue that holds the family together. They were created by God to do this exact thing. Women are generally sensitive and nurturing. These are the perfect characteristics for raising children and supporting a husband.
We shouldn't deny our innate divine heritages. Men and women are designed to fit together perfectly. Of course differences sometimes cause frustration, but part of becoming perfect is learning how to fit perfectly with your other half.
I know I appreciate the differences my husband and I share. We are definitely different and have very different strengths and weaknesses, however, I feel that together, we can conquer the world.    

Thoughts on Social Class in America

I wonder if it's possible to have a society where social class does not exist. Many people form countries with an aspiration of having no social class. America had this ideal when it separated from England. However, throughout it's history as an independent nation, there has always been classes. Their was the rich Americans and the poor immigrants or the city folk and the backwoods folk. People naturally separate themselves. It is human nature. As Americans, we still like to believe that our country is classless. However, the reality is that there are definitely classes.
A person's class influences their family structure and way of life. In class, a great question was brought up: does social class influence the family's capacity to meet its needs, responsibilities, and purposes? I think this is a fascinating question. This question spurns some other questions. What constitutes a family's needs? What are a family's responsibilities? What is the family's purpose?
I think needs are pretty easy to define. Every person needs food, shelter, and clothing. Most everyone can provide these to their family. It is true that the quality of the food, shelter, and clothing vary among the classes, but most families can provide the basic necessities to their family.
The family's responsibilities can be pretty clear too. A family needs to provide for itself and care for each of its family members. I believe that each class is able to do that.
The last question though, is a little more ambiguous. What is a family's purpose? And does class influence this? I believe this is a question that everyone should ponder and decide for themselves.